Mother's Day ramblings

I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately. I’m sure it will pass (like a kidney stone) but in the meantime, it’s no fun dealing with a self-indulgent down-in-the-mouth mood. I’ll shake it off. Celebrating Mother’s Day sort of made things a little worse as I’ve been looking inwardly and I’m a little disappointed at what I find. I remember as a kid, I would get myself all worked-up about striving for the best. In my imagination, it seemed that as long as I did my best, I’d receive recognition, get a decent job, and live comfortably. Imagine my surprise in finding that hard work is only part of the equation. It also requires an insane amount of luck and some inner knowledge that no matter what happens, nothing can get the best of you. I work hard and I am a very lucky man, so I guess the part that is faulty here is that I’m discovering I’m not invincible.


As we went to visit mom’s grave yesterday, Ang shared with me her fear that I will not live as long as one might hope. More directly, she said she had a strong feeling that she’d outlive me by a long shot. While this doesn’t have me canceling tomorrow’s lunch plans, it does give me a little pause for concern. This isn’t exactly what one wants to hear before visiting his parents’ grave. I tried joking it away, reminding her that I really am invincible and that she’s stuck with me. -Which gave way to jokes that if she should remarry, he couldn’t possibly be as awesome as me. The downer in all this is knowing that I have limitations and as I get older, they become more apparent.


I guess this is one of the many reasons why it’s good to have such a close family. They all can see that strength in me when I can’t see it in myself. I stopped believing that I am superman, but I have a son who could never be convinced otherwise. To my little girl, I have the power to make her laugh and make right all the wrongs. From Ang’s point of view, I have found success in rebuilding myself time and again, rising from the ashes of my stupid mistakes and becoming a little better each time. All the while I’m surrounded by the unfailing network of support that my parents started which includes both family and friends. I hope I can light that fire in the hearts of my own children. I’m not immune to the effects of time, but my influence can be.